Japanese Dating Culture – A Helpful Guide For Lonely People
Have you ever watched Japanese romance dramas or read Shoujo manga (Shouji is a type of Japanese comic book which mainly focuses on love stories)? Do you think that the dating etiquette in those movies is weird and confusing? Are you curious about how to have a romantic relationship with a Japanese girl or boy? If the answer is yes, well, this blog is for you. To make sure that you are suitable for a romantic relationship with a Japanese, we recommend you to take a quick look at our guide below before deciding to start this exciting journey. It is true that Japanese dating culture can be complicated and frustrated, especially to Westerners. There are certain rules you must respect and follow to be able to maintain a long-term relationship.
Japanese Dating Culture – Helpful Guide To Start And Maintain A Relationship.
1. How To Find A Partner
If you have already found someone in your existing relationship, then good for you! But if you want to meet new people but hesitate to look for a partner in a random place like a bar or a café, do not worry. There are still 4 other options for you: Getting introduced through friends or family, Konkatsu matchmaking parties, Goukon group dating, and dating application.
1.1. Through Friends Or Family
It seems to be the most trusted way to get a dating partner and there are good reasons for it. Firstly, as your friends or your family know that person in reality, they can give you some trusted information about your date. A person’s personality will show clearly through the way they treat people around them. Secondly, sometimes your friends and your family can have a better sense of who matches you the best. Another good reason why you should let them set you up is that you and your partner will have more connections and more topics to talk about. At least you and your date can openly talk about your families and other backgrounds. And given that you are introduced through a mutual friend or a family member, your partner will be more considerable with their actions.
Getting introduced by your friends or family seems to be the most trusted way to get a dating partner and there are many good reasons for it.
1.2. Konkatsu Matchmaking Parties
Konkatsu is a slang, made from Kekkon(結婚) – means marriage and Katsudou(活動) – means activity.
Officially launched in 2008, Konkatsu refers to matchmaking parties where people come to find a marriage partner in Japan. At first, this slang was used only among young people, but later it spread widely and even became a booming business thanks to the presence of many companies and matchmaking forums. Konkatsu parties are normally organized in upscale hotels and restaurants with a number of attendances up to 50 or even more. The more people joining these parties, the higher chance it is to find a suitable dating partner.
Normally, young people would register to attend Konkatsu according to their interests. There will be groups divided by topics so that couples can exchange information as much as nature, animals, cuisine, tourism, fashion …
Officially launched in 2008, Konkatsu refers to matchmaking parties where people come to find a marriage partner in Japan.
1.3. Goukon – Group Dating
Similar to Konkatsu, Goukon is also a type of group dating party but organized in a smaller scale. The number of men and women must always be equal. Once the drinks are on the table, everyone will have a glass of wine together. In the introduction, the host will introduce one by one, or each person takes turns to introduce some basic information about themselves such as name, age, job and hobby. After the introduction will be the free talk. People can freely talk to anyone they are interested in. At the end of the party, everyone will share LINE ID. They will continue talking and see whether they can develop a romantic relationship with their partner or not.
Similar to Konkatsu, Goukon is also a type of group dating party but organized in a smaller scale
1.4. Dating application
Dating in Japan can be open too. Finding a lover via dating application is no longer a new concept in Japan. You can try to find one on Tinder, Match or Pairs. However, do not trust anything you see online and do not easily share your private information with others. Meeting and chatting with a stranger can be extremely dangerous.
You can try to find one on Tinder, Match.com or Pairs
2. Hanging Out
The next step is hanging out together. Meeting in person frequently will help you to know your date better. Common places to go are coffee shops, restaurants, movie theaters, etc… Remember to avoid unnecessary skinship if you are not sure about your feeling and yet to confess your love. It is all about respecting your partner.
In Japan, it is very casual to go for lunch or tea with friends so a confession is very important. You might go out with someone a few times, or go on a group date, but a serious Japanese relationship is not about starting without a love confession.
In Japan, it is very casual to go for lunch or tea with friends so a confession is very important
3. Love Confession (Kokuhaku) – Unique Part Of Japanese Dating Culture
So what is Kokuhaku and why is it so important to Japanese dating culture? Kokuhaku (告白), means confession, is not simply a common word but also a special culture in Japan. The moment a person stands in front of the person he or she admires and confess his or her love is very romantic and memorable. A love confession in Japan is often done very carefully and in a special way.
Kokuhaku (告白), means confession, is not simply a common word but also a special culture in Japan. For any Japanese, Kokuhaku is very meaningful and special.
There is one thing you should note is that the sentence “I love you” in Japanese has 2 ways to say. They are Aishiteru (愛してる) and Suki (好き). Aishiteru (愛 し て る) has a distinctive expression and usage. If English speakers use the verb “love” to express their love, they can use it to express their love for anything, including delicious food or an impressive movie. But in Japan, the phrase “Aishiteru” is only used for the one you are deeply truly in love with (normally for your long-time life partner). The sentence “Suki” which means “I like you” is more commonly used in daily life.
Read more:
4. First Date
After your love confession, if he or she says yes, then congratulation! You are officially in a romantic relationship.
Now, the next step is asking your partner out for a date. In Japanese dating culture, the first date is very special and meaningful. It may be a little bit awkward but absolutely magical and romantic once you and your date really have a connection. Remember to dress nicely and comfortably. Prepare a small gift like flowers, necklace, chocolates, … Do not worry too much about how much you should pay for a gift. Even a simple couple key chain with a letter can work as long as you truly put your heart into it.
Normally, people will go to common places like cinema, coffee shop, park, shopping mall, … Some people prefer to go to the beaches or the countryside for a picnic. So there is no certain rule for your dating location. Choices are all yours. Just remember to pick one that is appropriate with the dating progress you and your partner want.
5. Dating Location
It is no exaggeration to say that Japan is one of the most beautiful countries in the world. You can easily find a romantic dating spot in any corner of this country. The only thing matters here is whether it suits you or not.
Besides common places like movie theaters, coffee shops, restaurants, or entertainment centers, people also go to the beach, join a firework festival or travel to the mountainous areas together. A long day trip is a wonderful opportunity to create memorable moments and bring your relationship to the next level. Another great option is to stay at home. You can cook a meal together, watch a movie and share some stories from your childhood or teenage time. Honest open talk is always the best method to bring two people closer. This also allows you to discover your partner’s daily lifestyle.
Sometimes, just simply taking a walk and talk to each other is enough to make a great date.
6. Special Occasions
In Japanese dating culture, Valentine’s Day on 14/2 is the main occasion for couples to celebrate their relationship. There will be flowers, chocolates, gifts and of course kisses. There is one special thing about this event in Japan. For single people, Valentine’s Day is also a confession event. Woman will give a gift to her loved one. After 1 month, on 14/3, if the man accepts that confession, he will give a gift to the her to confirm their relationship.
In Japanese dating culture, Valentine’s Day on 14/2 is the main occasion for couples to celebrate their relationship.
Besides, Japanese people also mark the day they officially became a couple and their first dating day to celebrate every year. Xmas and Tanabata Matsuri (7/7) is also on the list.
On these special days, if you have no idea about what to give to your partner, please take a look at our suggestions below:
- Accessories (Couple rings, earrings, necklaces, ….)
- Fashion items such as clothes, shoes, hats, neckties …
- Handmade things: photo albums, song collection sung by you, a cute video, a couple key chains,…
- Perfume
- Makeup set
- Your partner’s favorite things, such as albums, books, concert tickets, …
7. Dating Etiquette In Japanese Dating Culture
7.1. Who Should Pay?
On the first date or on special occasions like anniversary or Valentine’s Day, normally men will pay. However, couples prefer to split the bill during the date when their relationship is progressing. Japanese people believe that dividing things fairly will create a more equal and stable relationship.
Couples prefer to split the bill during the date when their relationship is progressing
7.2. Loving words
As mentioned above, Japanese people do not express their love in words frequently. They believe that actions speak louder than words. So do not feel lonely or empty if your lover rarely say “I love you” to you. It is not because he or she loses interest in you. They just simply do not find the need to do it.
Japanese people believe that actions speak louder than words
7.3. Public Affection
Similar to other countries in Asia, Japan is also not open to showing love affection in public, especially in front of old people. While kissing and hugging in public are extremely normal in Western countries, these actions are not encouraged and can be considered rude here.
While kissing and hugging in public are extremely normal in Western countries, these actions are not encourage and can be considered rude here
7.4. Sweet and cute girls are the ideal girlfriend type.
Most Japanese men like cute, sweet and traditional girls. Many people believe that because the pressure to make money on men in Japan is extremely high so they prefer to be with someone who is calm and able to understand their difficulties. In addition, Japanese men also have high self-esteem so if it is not necessary, do not argue and embarrass them. Also, knowing how to cook is a plus because, in Japan, girlfriends often prepare foods for their boyfriends.
Most of Japanese men like cute, sweet and traditional girls
7.5. Live together before getting married.
Many couples in Japan live together before officially getting married. It is becoming more and more common in today’s modern life. Japanese people think that if they do not live together, they can not understand each other to get married.
Japanese people think that if they do not live together, they can not understand each other to get married.
To understand more about Japanese relationship, check some Japanese romantic movies at the link below:
Conclusion
So that is basically everything about Japanese dating culture. Did you find it unique, romantic and interesting? Do you grow interested in finding a Japanese boyfriend or girlfriend? Or are you having any trouble with your romantic relationship right now? If you have any concern, please share with us in the comment section below.
